In this episode of SmartLoving Conversations, Shawn van der Linden joins the host Francine Pirola for a wide ranging and deeply practical conversation on the place of emotions in mature love. Speaking as an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Catholic integrated clinician, Shawn offers an approach that takes feelings seriously without allowing them to become the final authority. His contribution draws together contemporary research, pastoral wisdom, and the Catholic vision of the human person, helping listeners understand how emotions can be interpreted, regulated, and oriented toward what actually strengthens relationships.
Shawn brings a grounded clinical lens to themes such as shame, vulnerability, and relational repair, translating complex emotional dynamics into language that is usable in ordinary marriages and family life. The episode engages restorative practice as a concrete framework for conflict repair, using simple but incisive questions that help couples move from reactivity to reflection and responsibility. Shawn also weaves in insights from affect theory and the shame compass, highlighting how unaddressed shame often drives the very patterns couples most want to change.
A distinctive strength of the episode is its integration of psychology with Catholic anthropology. Shawn frames tenderness, conscience, and the true good of the other not as sentimental ideals, but as skills of the heart that can be formed. Drawing on John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility, he articulates tenderness as a capacity to feel with the whole person while remaining anchored in what is genuinely good for them. The conversation reflects Shawn’s broader mission to help people experience real human flourishing through an integrated approach where emotional life and spiritual life are not separated, but brought into healing coherence.